In the new year of 2021, I received in the mail a powerful little pamphlet. It is filled with a wealth of information. I would like to share a portion with you in hopes that it will also be a help or encouragement to you.

Focus on the Family Canada will always hold a special place in my heart. During the valley of darkness in 2012-2015 I could barely hold myself together. If you scroll back to the beginning of my blog (2018) you’ll read my journey with anxiety.

Karin Gregory, one of Focus on the Family Canada counsellors, met with me by phone once a week for one year. Due to the severe panic attacks I believed that I couldn’t drive, so they arranged to do the sessions by phone. Haha, kind of prophetic in our now covid world, all meetings are now phone, zoom video, etc.

I am yet to either drive or fly to meet Karin in B.C to thank her personally for all her words of kindness, love and encouragement. Through Karin, the Lord spoke gently to me about ALL the heart changes I needed to make to navigate through this issue called anxiety.

This portion of the brochure I am going to share is suppose to be for the parents that have children with anxiety. But as a adult dealing with this condition, it was a great help to me now and had I known this info in the fall of 2012 it would have helped me overcome this issue.

Now remember we all have anxiety, it’s how we deal with the anxiety is the game changer.

Overcoming anxiety in parenting by Carol Cuppy (FOTF Canada)

As parents, it is critical that we train ourselves to manage our fears and anxiety in order to protect our children and train them to be resilient. Overcoming anxiety and caring for our family’s mental health all starts with us.

Anxiety comes in the form of “what if” questions about the future. The best way to avoid anxiety is to keep your mind grounded in the present. To overcome anxiety, you must be intentional and purposeful about training your mind to focus on the here and now. The good news is that we can learn not to worry.

How do you train your mind? First, you can’t just read about how to overcome anxiety. You must put it into practice. The more you practice, the more resilient you will become and the more automatic the response will be when anxiety starts. Here are some practical ways you can bring your mind back to the present:

3 x 5 + 1 TECHNIQUE

We sat down with Tim Sanford, the clinical director at Focus on the Family, to discuss anxiety and ways to overcome it. He walked us through a technique that he calls “3×5+1.” It is a fantastic way to focus your attention on what is happening around you at that moment, rather than on the “what if” questions.

If you are feeling anxious, do these three steps:

1). Look around you. Name 5 colours that you see.

2). Listen to your surroundings. Name 5 sounds that you hear.

3). Name 5 things that you can physically feel, such as the collar of your shirt against your neck or the breeze blowing across your skin.

Once you have gone through each of these 3 categories and listed 5 things each, ask yourself this 1 last question: “What do I need to be thinking about right now?”

This technique of observing your surroundings is a great way to pull your mind back into the present. Go ahead and try it right now!

Deep Breaths

If you feel yourself becoming anxious, another great way to bring your mind back into the present is to take several slow and deep breaths. Try taking three deep breaths right now. Notice how it calms and relaxes your body and tightens your focus on the present.

Keep A Routine

This will create a sense of normalcy. If you don’t have a routine already, create a new schedule and stick to it. Sameness is very helpful in creating a sense of control in our lives.

EXERCISE

Getting some exercise is also a great way to overcome anxiety. Choose activities that require focus on the moment at hand. For example, a game of basketball 🏀 requires that you focus on the ball at all times and on making baskets. You don’t have time to worry about anything else.

LEAN IN TO GOD

Spend time daily in the Bible. If you are feeling anxious or fearful, read through the many verses that speak about anxiety and fear. Reading and studying His Word is a great way to focus your thoughts and will provide peace.

Spend time talking to God also. There is nothing more freeing than getting on your knees before Him and surrendering all of your thoughts and worries to Him. He is truly in control of this and every other situation that we could ever face.

Just like we as parents can experience anxiety, so can our kids. Younger kids may not know how to verbalize that they are feeling anxious, so keep an eye out for some signs that they may be feeling that way. Usually, anxiety will manifest in one of two ways: either your child will become really quiet and withdrawn or they will become really energetic and bounce off the walls. Kids may describe the physical symptoms of anxiety as a “tummy ache.” They may breathe rapidly or start sweating. Some kids will even say they feel like ants are crawling under their skin.

No matter how old your children are, or how they show that they may be anxious, it is always important to bring them back to the present. You can use these same techniques to train them to focus their own thoughts on the here and now so they too can learn to calm their worries.

Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known to God. And the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.” Philippians 4:6&7

Learn more about dealing with anxiety as a parent and with your children at FocusOnTheFamily.ca/AnxietyAndParenting

Cilla 💕