We left off last time with my doctor telling me to get this under control before it controls you! Well those were the hardest words he could have told me because I had no idea how or where to even begin! After listening to the Focus on the Family broadcast on depression, I decided to try calling them. I explained my situation with not being able to drive so we arranged over the phone sessions one day a week. Every Wednesday for one hour, for one year, we prayed, I cried, and we unpacked all my problems. It was one of the most humbling experiences I have ever went through.

Here are a few of the panicky situations I was faced with during this time, I can laugh at them now but definitely did not at the time:

-I could not stand to be in a elevator.

-Rooms filled with noisy people hurt my head.

-I was dead scared of a chairlift, imagined falling off.

-Had a episode in a drive through car wash, had to hit the emergency button to get out.

-Driving with my family to southern SK for a wedding, my husband decided to wash the truck at -30 degrees Celsius so when I started feeling panicky I couldn’t roll down my window for fresh air. I was grabbing at the window trying to get fresh air but the window wouldn’t open! So at every stop sign or town we came to I would open my door and breathe.

-Even a shower was hard to take, I felt claustrophobic in it and had to wash quickly and get out as soon as I could.

-Waiting at a red light was agony.

-Standing in line at a grocery line put me on edge.

-I had to on a weekly basis drive my kids to piano lessons, a 10 minute drive from our home. My knees would be shaking and different parts on my face would twitch. My hands would white knuckle on the steering wheel and my kids knew I was terrified. As soon as I would see the town we were driving to I would cry tears of joy that I made it. My kids would tell me, Mom we knew you could do it, you can do all things through Christ who gives you strength!

Unfortunately the panic attacks were created by myself. As I would get thoughts going on inside of my mind, they would snowball until all the chemicals were in line to go into a full blown panic attack.

The world says just breathe in and out, inhale for five counts, hold for five then release for five. Or start at your toes, tighten then release, move to your ankles do the same until you get to the tip top of your head. These techniques do make a difference and change your focus but the one absolute best medicine is God’s healing words. He tells us to meditate on them day and night. I would write scripture down on index cards and read them over and over, still do to this day! He also tells us in His word that we are to renew our minds with His promises. Here are a few that I hold fast to, they fill me with His peace and push me to continue in His progress.

Jeremiah 17:7-8 Blessed is the man/woman who trusts in the Lord, And whose hope is the Lord, For he shall be like a tree planted by the waters, Which spreads out its roots by the river, And will not fear when heat comes; But its leaf will be green, And will not be anxious in the year of drought, Nor will cease from yielding fruit.

2 Timothy 1:7-For God has not given us a spirit of fear, but of power and of love and of a sound mind.

1 John 4:18-There is no fear in love; but perfect love casts out fear, because fear involves torment. But he who fears has not been made perfect in love.

Isaiah 41:10- “Fear not, for I am with you; Be not dismayed, for I am your God. I will strengthen you, Yes I will help you, I will uphold you with My righteous right hand.”

Isaiah 12:2-Behold, God is my salvation I will trust and not be afraid; For Yah, the Lord is my strength and song; He also has become my salvation.

Psalm 3:24-When you lie down, you will not be afraid; yes, you will lie down and your sleep will be sweet.

Philippians 4:6&7-Be anxious for nothing, but in everything by prayer and supplication, with thanksgiving, let your requests be made known to God; and the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding, will guard your hearts and minds through Christ Jesus.

Philippians 4:13-I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me.

Psalm 28:7-The Lord is my strength and my shield; My heart trusted in Him, and I am helped; Therefore my heart greatly rejoices, And with my song I will praise Him.

Here is a song that was sent to me by our Pastor’s wife at the time. It spoke volumes to me and brought me to a place of understanding. Laura Story’s Blessings

With both scripture and prayer from many family, church family and friends, the Lord extended His great hand of mercy to pull me out of the slimy pit and set my feet on a solid rock. Ultimately He is the one with the Holy Spirits supernatural power that is within me, guided and helped me to make the necessary heart changes to take the leap of faith to get out of the pit of darkness filled with fear. We have to make the choice to get off the couch of despair that holds us captive and in prisons of chains. He has given us free will and we need to make the choice to take the first steps to recovery.

Join me next time as I share more tools that helped me through this journey of progress in Him.

Cilla💕